Nothing Funny about Coffee Palms

Today I learned a valuable lesson about profitability and deep pockets. To some this may seem like a comment about some weird porno involving monkeys and a professional pocket pooler. well those people would be perverts. No deep pockets are pockets that have had so much money and presumably change in them that they have become really big. I also learned....the hard way not to stand up and shout out answers in front of strangers and future co-workers unless you know the answer. For example, when someone is doing a presentation about financial stuffits and the like and merchandise etc, then they ask what does D&D stand for. DO NOT stand up, wave your arms and yell OOH OOh I know, Dungeons and Dragons! Then whatever you do don't do the victory dance, especially if you're in a very tight space. MAN, embarassing! Who knew so many people missed out on the magically nerdesque underbelly activity that produced so many you know...psychos. Bah, people can complain about their spilt coffee and ruined slacks all they like, nothing compared to the thrill of being confronted by a silver dragon and orcs and the only thing standing in your way to victory is a 3 roll on a four sided die! Non stop adrenaline I tell you. Who needs the magic of fresh air and the thrill of a smacking that birdie over the flimsy little net when you can be in someones urine soaked basement battling hill trolls and planning your next foray into the world of imagination with a forty year old comic shop owner.
Well that it for now I have to soak the basement in urine......man this is weird.

Aliens at the End of the Bed

Ever wake up in the nether regions of the night only to discover you're not alone. I don't mean your spouse or partner either. I mean a creepy bouncing feeling at your feet. A zapping sound and then complete paralyzation. When does dream turn to waking or vice versa. That time of night is prone to trickery of that sort. Back to the paralyzation....Eyes seemingly open. Mind racing, terror or something like it. A scream stuck in your throat. But are you awake. Is this part of the dream or something more. I suppose if I looked I could find some scientific explanation. Instead I'll wait for the next episode, this one I actually got out some small whimperings. Usually, nothing just screams stuck in the throat.

Crocodile in my pants

As a youth I watched a lot of satruday afternoon specials starring Johnny Wiesmueller. For those of you unfamiliar with the seventies and having only one channel, not because you didn't have cable but because there was only one channel.....yeah one! The best part was KVOS only played reruns from the fifties. Only now are they playing what I would have liked to have been watching almost thirty years ago. I wanted to be Tarzan but alas, I soon realized I lacked the physical prowess and jungle knowledge of the Lord of the apes. I also lacked golm medals in olympic swimming, I was six, sue me. So I decided being a zoo keeper was the way to go. I would run the zoo and all the animals would be my friends and if anyone I didn't like bothered me I would yodel ahhhh ah aha ah ahahhhhhhhhhh and elephants and monkeys would come out of nowhere and trample my enemies. I had big dreams. Then one horrible night all those dreams were crushed. While camping with two of my older cousins I was told that zoo keepers are not lords of their domain and ruler of the beasts but people who clean up animal poo poo.
For the next several years I refused to believe. Eventually with age I gave up the dream of zookeeperdom and wanted to be a biologist. They studied animals, they must be like the Tarzan of the educational kingdom. Wrong again. to be con't........